note to self: when trying to quit smoking weed, don’t come to tumblr, where every blog you follow is weed related -.- fml

i’m in a slump and i don’t know how to get out. everyday seems the same, wake up miserable, go to school miserable, come home more miserable, go to work…miserable. but everyday, i paste a smile on my face and just pretend that everything is okay. i don’t have the guy i want, my friendships are falling apart and i feel more and more closed off from my family. the only one that keeps me sane is my dog. 

being a teenager alive is hard. you fall in love with a guy you wouldn’t dare to tell. you try to keep a job while keeping up your grades and pleasing your parents. you try to look good on the outside but on the inside, you never feel good enough, never pretty enough…life isn’t meant to be easy but it shouldn’t be this fucking hard. 

and i know i sound like a superficial teenage girl…but i’m not. i’ve been through shit that should’ve made me stronger, like family passing away, parents divorcing, friendships being lost but all those things, have only added to the weight left on my shoulders. 

i’m afraid if i’m so unhappy with my life right now, how am i going to be happy when i’m older, when i have more responsibility….more shit to risk losing…

i’ve noticed there’s something about you that makes me come running back. and i don’t know what is. i watch romantic comedies, where everything works out in the end, and wish that’s how it is for me and you. but when i look at you, it really hits me that you don’t look at me, the same way i look at you. you take my breath away, make me speechless and anxious. you definitely don’t feel the same, and it breaks my heart. i’m so broken because of you but i can’t let you go. letting you go makes it worse coming back the next time, because every time i come back….i fall deeper and deeper in love with you.